Enhancing Resilience

Ms Sally Munro | Director of Pastoral Care

It was with a fabulous sense of calm and freedom that we launched into the 2023 school year without thoughts of looming lockdowns. The sense of certainty was a welcome feeling and the laughter and joy displayed by the students on their return suggests to me that they had a similar sentiment.

However, adapting to return to the rhythm of school can be difficult for some young people (and adults) and this can be heightened in key transition years such as Year 7 or when a student is new to a school. It is common for students to have some challenges with the transition into a new school year. Sometimes they can present with disappointment when not in the same class as a friend, or if they didn’t get their favourite teacher or were not allocated to the camp group they wanted. Despite the discomfort, challenges provide opportunities for young people to develop resilience which is essential for their development and to enhance their self-confidence. When given the space to do so, young people can be quite remarkable at coping with setbacks and difficult experiences; although resilience extends beyond the capacity to cope.

Resilience enables opportunities to seek new ways to overcome a challenge and implement strategies to accept or manage a situation. Rather than empowering the young person, too often, adults seek to overprotect them and attempt to fix the problem for them by removing the discomfort or avoiding conflict. This is often a band aid approach and removes a learning and growth opportunity for the child; learning that they are capable of coping, learning that they can problem-solve and learning that they are equipped with effective strategies to face the problem.

Dr Judith Locke describes the approach to perfectly protecting our children as 'bonsai parenting' and likens it to caring for a bonsai tree, which is highly dependent on its carer’s protection. In her book, ‘The Bonsai Child’¹, she explains the importance of children facing the normal ups and downs of life if they are to reach their potential; as it's in facing moments of discomfort and difficulty that young people foster the resilience they need to take their place in the world.

Parents’ actions to resolve their child’s issues mean the child doesn’t develop their own skills in facing the issues,
accepting the situation, or resolving their difficulties. (Locke, p.39)

Locke reminds us that trees need wind to grow and unpredictable environments help them to stand strong and tall, with flexible trunks to withstand the elements that unsettle them. She encourages parents to “fling open the doors and windows and let the wind in a little.” (Locke, p.70) This is similar in a school setting: the wind will blow occasionally.

A report commissioned by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, ‘Growing up in Australia’² concluded that resilience was significantly higher among 16-17 year olds who had positive, trusting peer and family relationships and a strong sense of belonging at school and resilience was lower for 16-17 year olds who experienced more negative emotions, increased conflict at home and a greater presence of negative relationships. Interestingly, boys had higher levels of resilience than girls.

We recognise our role in supporting the development of social and emotional skills, a sense of belonging and quality relationships as important building blocks for enhancing resilience. In doing so we accept that it is important for a student to own their behaviours and embrace mistakes and that there will be times that they will sit in a level of discomfort if something does not quite go their way. We must not shy away from challenging conversations to avoid a student feeling unsettled when we are committed to living out the Loreto Normanhurst Mission that encourages each student to fulfil their potential. Challenging conversations are growth conversations and are particularly important when a student's actions do not reflect the School’s expectations of respect, responsibility and relationships. These conversations occur within high-expectation relationships as enablers to fostering resilience; relationships that are supportive and challenging and built upon trust.

^{1. Locke, JY 2015, The bonsai child: why modern parenting limits children’s otential and practical strategies to turn it around, Judith Locke, Kelvin Grove, QLD.}

^{2. Evans-Whipp, T & Gasser, C. 2018. Growing up in Australia: The Longitidinal Study of Australian Children Annual Statistical Report. Chapter 10: Adolescents Resilience. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. Retrieved 14/2/23 https://aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/2022-03/5599-adolescent-resilience.pdf}